Getting engaged? How do you ask for a prenup?

‘Tis the season to be jolly’ or so the Christmas carol goes, but it is also the season for proposals. Yes, an engagement ring is a highly memorable Christmas gift for your chosen one. According to the wedding experts, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are the most popular days to ask the big question (only pipped by Valentines Day).

What makes the festive period such a hit with the lovestruck? People are with family and friends who they want to share their exciting news with. Plus, over the festive period it’s a break from the normal everyday routines and demands – ideal for creating a special romantic moment.

However, there may be a fly in the ointment. You want a prenuptial agreement.

What is a prenuptial agreement?

A prenuptial agreement or contracting out agreement, is one of the most important documents you'll ever sign. It allows you to contract out of the Property (Relationships) Act and define your own rules for the splitting of property on the breakdown of a relationship. Agreements can be made between a husband and wife, civil union partners and de facto partners. It is the cheapest, most adaptable and effective way of protecting current and future assets.

How to ask for prenuptial agreement

As experienced prenuptial agreement lawyers, Christchurch’s Weston Ward and Lascelles have seen a steady increase in the number of couples requesting prenups, and have witnessed the impact of both successful requests, and those that have not gone down too well. Asking your partner for a prenuptial agreement is a delicate and sensitive conversation. While it may not be the most romantic topic, discussing a prenup can be a practical and responsible step in preparing for your future together – if handled appropriately.

Before starting any conversation about a prenuptial agreement, it's crucial to recognise the significance of open and honest communication. Approach the discussion with a genuine intention to protect both yours and your partner's assets and financial well-being in the event of unforeseen circumstances.



Choose the right timing and setting

Selecting an appropriate time and place to discuss the prenup is essential, immediately after the proposal is not it. Instead opt for a time when both you and your partner are relaxed and free of distractions. Raising the topic of a prenup during an emotionally charged situation or high-stress period may lead to misunderstandings or conflict. Ensure the setting is private, comfortable, and conducive to having a meaningful conversation.

Emphasise the importance of financial planning

Prenuptial agreements are not about pre-empting a dissolution or separation, rather they are instrumental for financial planning and security for the future. Discuss the benefits of understanding each other's financial expectations and responsibilities and how a prenup serves as a precautionary measure to protect both parties in the case of unforeseen events or potential disagreements.

Focus on mutual protection

A prenuptial agreement is not solely for one party's benefit but is designed to offer protection and security for both individuals. They provide clarity and peace of mind for both parties, ensuring a fair and equitable resolution should the marriage not work out as intended. Reinforce the idea that the prenup is a proactive step to safeguard the interests of both individuals.

Express your intentions clearly and respectfully

During the discussion, express your intentions clearly and respectfully. important to acknowledge your partner's concerns and viewpoints and encourage an open dialogue to address any worries or fears they may have. Be open and honest about your reasons for considering a prenup, emphasising that it is not a reflection of any lack of trust or commitment but rather a responsible approach to financial planning.

Seek legal advice about prenuptial agreements

It’s important you both seek separate prenuptial legal advice to gain an accurate and comprehensive understanding of the legal implications and benefits of a prenuptial agreement. Encourage your partner to actively participate in the process, so they are aware of their rights, obligations, and legal protections. Consulting a professional family lawyer provides valuable insights and guidance throughout the prenup discussion and drafting process.



A prenuptial agreement does not diminish the emotional value and love you share, so it’s important you don’t make the conversation awkward. At its heart it’s a vehicle to provide both parties with certainty and security. If you would like to learn more about prenuptial agreements and how they can impact your financial position, contact Weston Ward & Lascelles for a discreet and confidential conversation on 03 379 1740.