How to navigate Christmas for separated parents

24 October 2023

The holiday season is typically joyful for families. However, it can be challenging for separated parents, particularly if it's their first Christmas apart. Co-parenting during the holidays can be challenging as you balance festive plans and prioritize the children's well-being.


Common issues that arise over Christmas

Some families can set aside their disagreements and work together to ensure the kids have a good Christmas. However, it can be very difficult to cooperate with someone who doesn't like you. Each family is different, but common problems that our family lawyers in Christchurch often deal with include:


  • Arrangements for the key dates of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and New Year’s Eve
  • Arrangements for visiting members of the wider families
  • Buying gifts
  • Where and when to have changeovers
  • Holidays overseas with the children and domestic trips away


Revisit your Parenting Agreement/Order


Before delving into the nuances of co-parenting over Christmas, do you have a parenting agreement or order? If you do, the order provides parents with a clear plan for their co-parenting duties. This helps both parties understand their rights and duties. Additionally, the plan may also include rules specifically for Christmas.


Seeking advice from a seasoned family attorney guarantees a well-defined parenting order customized to your unique situation. If you don't have one yet, or if your existing agreement or order lacks details about Christmas and birthdays, it's prudent to schedule a meeting with a family attorney to modify the agreement in advance.


Dad with daughter putting decorations on a Christmas tree

How to avoid issues over the Christmas period


Plan early: time is of the essence; discuss Christmas plans well in advance. This allows ample time for both parties to consider and agree on the holiday schedule. Leaving decisions about Christmas to the last minute increases the risk of disagreements.


Flexibility is key: the holiday season often comes with unexpected surprises and changes in plans. Being flexible and adaptable helps reduce friction. Compromise will always be welcome.

 

Create new traditions: embrace the opportunity to establish new holiday traditions with your children. During Christmas, you can create new traditions. These traditions can include decorating the tree, making a special meal, or opening Christmas Eve gifts. By doing these activities, you can create lasting memories.


Open and honest communication: maintain open lines of communication with the co-parent. If it's not possible, find someone else to talk to about any problems or worries that come up during the holidays.


What if we can’t agree about Christmas arrangements?


Don't force kids to decide. Asking their opinions is good, but don't make them feel stressed or overwhelmed. You can use mediation to finalize agreements, and having a family lawyer advise you with negotiations is helpful. However, if you do not succeed, you can make an application to the Family Court for a parenting order.



Christmas is a time for families and happiness, but it can also bring strong feelings. If you're concerned about your family's Christmas plans and how the festive season will go, contact us now. We can have a private and non-binding conversation. Call 03 379 1740 or email enquiry@wwl.co.nz.

Person writing with a red pen on paper-filled desk, computer in the background.

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